The End.

My first year of law school has come to an end. We survived. When I came home after my first final yesterday, I felt the tears sting my eyes before I had even placed the key in the lock. They were tears fear and worry and…just plain exhaustion. I crawled to the finish line with bruised knees, bloody knuckles and a battered brain while AB bounded across a happy carefree well-adjusted preschooler.

Now what?

I have absolutely no idea. I have zero motivation. Well, I do have an iota of motivation. Rent for the apartment and tuition for AB. And let us not forget food, phone and internet. But aside from that I have no desire to work.

So I have decided to take a day or two. Decompress from one of the hardest years of my life and figure out what I really want to do with this life. Right now. 1 year…5 years…10 years from now.

It’s reevaluation time, folks.

Bubble Burst.

My summer funding did not come through. So, now I have to turn down the internship back in the Bay Area (that I was extremely excited about) and find a paying position in Chicago as soon as humanly possible.

And take two more finals.

No wonder people go for the big firms. Money = security. While that does not equal happiness, I think it does equal some semblance of peace of mind. At least that it what I shall keep telling myself until I am a salaried employee once more.

Free.

Friday was my last day at my job that I have had for the past two years.  It was made even sweeter by the fact that my (former) boss was out of the office. I feel that a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

It was very refreshing to wake up without the sense of dread. I awoke without an alarm clock and prepare my coffee and read leisurely.  The kid got an extra hour of sleep and woke up in a great mood. All around happy morning. Now I understand that part of this is psychological.  I was obviously unhappy with my job therefore I was letting that unhappy feeling permeate the rest of my life. But no more.

I have been itching to get out of my own again. I am ready to stand on my own. For months, I have been daydreaming and planning about the life that I plan to create for AB and I once we get to Chicago. Any limitations in the future will be those that I have placed on myself.  I am free.