Schooling While Mothering.

I never dreaded returning to school. I never longed for the summer to be eternal. I was always very excited. New clothes, new supplies, new classes. The sweetness of the promise that this could be The Year.

AB was promoted to the next level of classes and she has been over the moon because now she is with the Big Kids. I’m jealous of her eagerness. The eagerness to learn, to do something new, to play. Her inquisitive nature has grown exponentially. She wants to know why things are they way they are. Why leaves are on the ground, why the moon is in the sky, why there is a fence around the grass, why that woman’s hair is pink…why, why, why? I do pretty well at first, but there is always another “why” waiting for me, so I eventually I must concede, “Well, I’m not really sure.” I have yet to reach the point of exasperation with all these whys because I find it fascinating.

All this leads me caused me to reevaluate my approach to law school as this past year was quite haphazard. I fluctuated between approaching it like a job then trying to be like the other students and it just plain did not work. I was left exhausted and frustrated. However, I did learn some valuable lessons that I’ve been able to implement this year which have made for a much smoother ride on this road called Schooling While Mothering.

1. Plan as if your life depended on it (because frankly, it does). Others may see you as anal or foolish, but your sanity depends on your life running like a well-oiled machine. Plus, if you have a routine down, then life’s hiccups (i.e. sick kid) will be much more manageable.

2. Carve out quality time for you just and the kiddo. I find that dinnertime and bedtime are the easiest ones during the week. While the weekend is precious study time make sure to set aside a few hours on Saturday and Sunday to take kiddo to the park, zoo or library. I mean, how often does kiddo get to hang out with you while the sun it out? It’s more quality time and it gets them tuckered out enough for their naps which gives you more productive study time…or procrastination time in which you veg out because you have managed to tucker yourself out as well.

3. Get up early and go to bed late. Acknowledge that coffee is your drug of choice and forever will be until you kids are at least 30 years old. I have come to believe that as long as there is a being in the world who calls you “Mom” or any variation of it, you will never get any rest.

4. Incorporate kiddo into study time at least once a week. There will be times when you just have to get some work down around the kiddo. To prevent pulling one’s hair out from all the interruptions, set up kiddo with some sort of activity and impress upon them the importance of that activity (i.e. ask them to draw the best dinosaur then can or fill the paper with as many squares as they can.) This will get you at least a good 10 to 15 minutes of uninterrupted studying.

5. Make time for you and take one night off a week. Turn off your brain. Watch or read something that requires as little thought as possible. Guilty pleasure it up to your heart’s content. Yes, that means go ahead and read/watch Twilight (even though you know you are to daggone old and the writing/acting is far from impressive) and eat that entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby ice cream (even though it way too expensive and totally unhealthy).

Bottom line: It’s only mothering…it’s not like your running a country or anything. (At least that’s what I keep telling myself.)

The End.

My first year of law school has come to an end. We survived. When I came home after my first final yesterday, I felt the tears sting my eyes before I had even placed the key in the lock. They were tears fear and worry and…just plain exhaustion. I crawled to the finish line with bruised knees, bloody knuckles and a battered brain while AB bounded across a happy carefree well-adjusted preschooler.

Now what?

I have absolutely no idea. I have zero motivation. Well, I do have an iota of motivation. Rent for the apartment and tuition for AB. And let us not forget food, phone and internet. But aside from that I have no desire to work.

So I have decided to take a day or two. Decompress from one of the hardest years of my life and figure out what I really want to do with this life. Right now. 1 year…5 years…10 years from now.

It’s reevaluation time, folks.

Suit up, ladies.

Every law student should own a black suit. Specifically, women should have a black skirt suit, black hose, white shirt, black heels.

This semester I have observed various classmates suited up. The reasons vary from interviews for summer employment to legal writing conferences.  They all love it, no matter how they may complain.

Why? Because they look like real lawyers. Or so they think.

In reality, they look like little girls playing dress up in their mothers closet.

The suits are wrinkled and ill fitting. The shoes are horrendous ranging from “fuck me ”patent leather pumps to scuffed brown loafers.

I cannot lie. Part of the reason that I have chosen this profession is because of the suits. Perhaps I am a part of the minority.

“I’m going into public interest. Why do I put on the conservative monkey suit?”  Because not all public interest lawyers are crunchy granola types and you want to be taken seriously.

“Why not a brown/khaki suit? ” They show wrinkles and stains more easily and they make you look like you are going on a safari.

“But I can’t walk in heels!” Then you should start practicing. Walk around your apartment. Believe me, it gets easier with practice. However, too high a heel is not professional, it can look downright hookerish. You can experiment with color once you get the job. Do not fear though, there are some really cute black options out there. All you have to do is look. 

“Ummm, panty hose? I don’t own panty hose.” No hose, no goes.  Bare legs are not professional. You can get around this with a pant suit and tasteful trouser socks. However, I would keep the skirt and black hose in the closet for the really important days.

I guarantee that following this little tips will greatly improve your self esteem going into these interviews and meetings.  When you feel that you look good, then you feel good, and when you feel good, then you perform better.

So suit up, ladies.

Professorhood.

I have made the decision that I want to become a professor. This coming from the girl who never speaks unless called upon, shuns study groups and rarely attends office hours. However, I think that I would be really good at it.

Now how in the world to I go from here (frazzled 1L single mama) to there (cool calm and collected in-demand law prof)?

Grades.

Law School/Mama:
The new semester starts tomorrow. I didn’t get my grades from first semester last Thursday. They were alright. They didn’t completely suck, but I definitely didn’t do as well as I wanted to.

2008 was full of firsts and it was completely imbalanced. I spent so much time feeling guilty, overcompensating and then shutting down, only to start the cycle over again, that I didn’t do very well on the parenting end or the student end.

I’ve gotten many compliments on AB from her hair to her politeness. But get her back home in the apartment with just me and she can just turn into a little terror. Aside from the normal toddler tantrums, it is my fault due to my lack of consistency and routine (which I believe also contributed to my alright grades).

Law School/Mama Grade: C+

Lit Star:
This aspect of my life fared a bit better as I met a couple of awesome authors and read more than a handful of awesome books. However, my writing fell completely to the wayside.

My sister and I have made a pact for 10 submissions in 2009. 5 by the end of June and another 5 by the end of December.

The New Yorker has declared January National 2666 Reading Month and I have wholeheartedly jumped on board. I got the boxed set of three paperbacks for Christmas which has proved much less daunting than the gargantuan hardcover one volume of 900+ pages.

Outside of my school work, I will be writing and reading everyday. I apologize in advance for what are likely to be a good deal of mundane and frankly boring posts, but hopefully there will be some good stuff buried somewhere in there.

Lit Star Grade: B-

Bottom line: I’ve got a lot of work to do.

I am.

I am a mother.

I am a single.

I am a law student.

I am in love with Chicago.

I am happy.

Yet…

I am lonely.